DNA Vida Libre

Self-Care Practice:    Let your loved ones love you!  Let them show you their ways of loving you and accept them.  Do not reject them or stop them.   Let them make you laugh when you are down.   Let them love you while you learn to love yourself again. Let them care for you while you learn to care for yourself again. Social Capital = your social network that is made of friends, family. Support network. Your village that you can rely on during tough times.    As I walked into work I admitted to myself that I had been moping around the office since my friend/partner in crime moved to a new role. I found it annoying that everyone kept checking up on me asking how I was doing, how I was hanging, what was I going to do or worse-- pointing out the obvious like "wow your office looks so empty since she left." I was dick. My responses were smart assery. And I probably made a few faces and rolled my eyes. I am not good at hiding my th...

Today was tough.  Mentally tough. Emotionally bleh.  I slept very little. At work by 7am and I must have sent about 100 emails by 10 am. I had a training to implement regarding policy to workers.  46 slides, 1 hour and we only got half way done. I felt like a shitty lead but mostly because I didn't plan well, keep track of time and I could not answer 2 questions. I know I am not a shitty lead, I am one of the best but its funny how lack of sleep can make it easier for negative thoughts, negative talk and self doubt creep into my daily routine. I broke a promise made to myself of taking a mental health day when I lack sleep because I tend to get emotional. Anyway, I just thought about all the upcoming changes in my life and how I need to be saving time. When I reached out to a teammate about the unanswered questions, I disclosed to him that I felt like a shitty lead. He laughed and stated that tends to happen--it is normal. I laughed as well and we made some more jokes...

Well yesterday we went on a quick trip to the river which then turned into a hike to the river. We found an awesome spot where I collected river rocks for the aesthetic eco-friendly look that I am trying to create in my backyard. My ZEN Zone. Who knew picking up rocks would be such a rewarding work out. Which then energized me to wake up at 430am. Stretch. Greet the rising sun with some semi-fancy yoga moves--I practiced my breathing skills BUT who knew breathing could be so hard to control when you are aware of your horrible breathing patterns?? lol. I felt like I couldn't suck more air in through my lungs and into my belly...something was not working right. The important thing is that I tried, I fumbled through my Yoga/stretch routine. Felt good. Which then prepared me for: The first day at work without my partner in crime. I missed her. A lot. But I survived. I kept to myself. Worked through the emotions which cannot be healthy but I did not want to put on a fake smile or...

Today was a day of moving. May the fourth be with you. Went to a "Build your own Lego Man" birthday party and then to an after party bounce house. To the park for a play date with my sponsor's grandson-I think it is amazing and challenging to see two 3 year old toddlers socialize ❤️ and then back to their house to continue playing. Needless to say--we didn't eat very healthy (jajaja), basically sugar on top of sugar with some water. This may not seem like a big deal to most people; however I have A LOT of social anxiety. Small gatherings I can do. Big gatherings or gatherings with people I don't really know--I avoid. Being more open about it with my friends and co-workers has actually helped. They understand when I "flake" on an event. But they also really really support and encourage me to attend. With a happy-go-lucky social kid, I don't really have a choice. I DON'T want him to be like me or his father--nervous and anxious around people. ...

First Friday of the month at a local government agency can be challenging. Especially when the team is covering for a co-worker that will be out for the next 3 months due to mental health issues. She did not practice self-care. She normally carries a "specialized" case load that involves women and men currently residing in an alcohol and drug facility with at least one child. For many years she was the only worker who worked with this "specialized caseload". I knew she was struggling. It was common knowledge in the office; however sometimes the social service field can jade and numb many of the workers' ability to acknowledge each others struggles. Perhaps because they are dealing with every one's trauma while dealing with their own secondary trauma if not their own trauma. So instead of healthy self-care techniques; she picked up smoking. Fell behind on cases, paperwork was not tracked correctly and families went without the support they should have receiv...

Its been a few years... I've had some crazy ass adventures. Lots of ups and downs. Gravity hit hard on those down times haha. BUT. 09/15/2013. That is my sober birthday. In the last 5.5 years I have promoted 3 times at a local government agency in Eugene. I have gotten engaged, had a baby boy. He is incredible. Got out of some insane debt---I have been "adulting" successfully! I will be starting a graduate program in the Fall and will still be working full time--with a 3 year old. So that I don't go insane--I will be practicing "self-care" activities and venting a lot on this blog. I will try to keep everything as discreet as possible. This is the internet tho. So self-care practice and venting will commence NOW. If anyone has some interesting ideas, please feel free to share with me. Today: Mommy and Kid day. Taking in the fast times as much as possible. Breathe innnn... La DNA

Thinking I need to once and for all live a sober life. Things get better but only for some time and then we crash hard. Now I need to find a place to live in a few days...if not its time for me to go home. Return with nothing. No car, no phone, no bass....feels like Im falling faster and faster down a spiral-I've been here before but I was saved by idk what but for a while it felt like I stopped. Years passed by and I felt like I was stuck in limbo. Then I moved and everything seemed better only to discover I had always been falling except now its faster, like if I was in constant speed for a while and then I accelerated to feel something different-except where are the brakes and handles to climb up?? Im lost once again. Where do I go from here? What do I do? La DNA.