DNA Vida Libre

I lacked sleep today. I should know better.  I went to a highly intense job with little sleep and no partner in crime to use as a soundboard. When this happens--I cry. For no particular reason, I break down like when a toddler is tired but they cannot or will not go to sleep. I felt like giving up.  Self-Care Practices of the day:      1. I took deep breaths; 5 of them, while counting to 5 before                 exhaling. That got me to a relaxed state--more like light                   headed but it made the next step easier.      2. I closed my eyes and I repeated to myself (like a mantra): "just do what you can--you are enough" "Fuck the assholes. Fuck the assholes. Fuck the assholes." "I can do what I can and that is enough."       3. I re-read my to-do-list; picked one item to tackle. That was        ...

I got bombarded with more bubbles today!! Sometimes we need extra help to get by, to be functional, or to return to a normal state. Sometimes we need extra help to get through those dark tunnels. But, when we come out on the other end--we come out stronger, wiser, and more loving of ourselves. Also-a lot more forgiving. Self-Care Practices of the Day: Actually attended counseling today. Took my breaks Stretched, practiced those de-stressor yoga moves Started setting boundaries at work I said No. Self-affirmations! I am enough! Listened to music!  I have been seeing my therapist for a year now. I hadn't shown up for about 3 months because of work, or illnesses and anxiety, mostly social anxiety.  I did not want to return to the highly addictive anti-anxiety medications aka "benzos" which I used to love. I had no idea how addicting they were. So I decided to go to counseling.  When I was in rehab, the heroin withdrawals were bad BUT nothing was wo...

Today was tough.  Mentally tough. Emotionally bleh.  I slept very little. At work by 7am and I must have sent about 100 emails by 10 am. I had a training to implement regarding policy to workers.  46 slides, 1 hour and we only got half way done. I felt like a shitty lead but mostly because I didn't plan well, keep track of time and I could not answer 2 questions. I know I am not a shitty lead, I am one of the best but its funny how lack of sleep can make it easier for negative thoughts, negative talk and self doubt creep into my daily routine. I broke a promise made to myself of taking a mental health day when I lack sleep because I tend to get emotional. Anyway, I just thought about all the upcoming changes in my life and how I need to be saving time. When I reached out to a teammate about the unanswered questions, I disclosed to him that I felt like a shitty lead. He laughed and stated that tends to happen--it is normal. I laughed as well and we made some more jokes...

Today was a day of moving. May the fourth be with you. Went to a "Build your own Lego Man" birthday party and then to an after party bounce house. To the park for a play date with my sponsor's grandson-I think it is amazing and challenging to see two 3 year old toddlers socialize ❤️ and then back to their house to continue playing. Needless to say--we didn't eat very healthy (jajaja), basically sugar on top of sugar with some water. This may not seem like a big deal to most people; however I have A LOT of social anxiety. Small gatherings I can do. Big gatherings or gatherings with people I don't really know--I avoid. Being more open about it with my friends and co-workers has actually helped. They understand when I "flake" on an event. But they also really really support and encourage me to attend. With a happy-go-lucky social kid, I don't really have a choice. I DON'T want him to be like me or his father--nervous and anxious around people. ...

So far I have posted two paintings up. This painting on top is called Embodiment, made with acrylic paint. Please be patient, I will make sure to upload More awesomeness that will be rare, one of a kind pieces of artwork that only you will have. Keep in mind not all will be paintings. Thanks.