DNA Vida Libre

I went to the doctor yesterday morning and got blood work done--nothing bad, just routine. But I don't like getting blood drawn; it brings back memories when I feel that familiar sting just like the Nine Inch Nail song Hurt. The phlebotomist took the needle out and wrapped my arm up. I left. Grabbed some coffee; my Friday treat and I headed off to work to kick ass. It was a none stopped day. My only self-care practices implemented was 1. deep breathing in between meetings and 2.  humor amongst my favorite group of coworkers.  3. my manager blew bubbles at me ❤️ I got home last night at 7pm (I left the house this morning at 6:45am). My kiddos strict bedtime routine starts at 730pm to be in bed by 8pm. Challenge night #2: went well. He fought a little but actually went to bed. 1 book was read and when he asked for a repeat I encouraged him to read it to himself. Since he doesn't know how to read yet, we made it a game to make up his own story by looking at the pict...

I lacked sleep today. I should know better.  I went to a highly intense job with little sleep and no partner in crime to use as a soundboard. When this happens--I cry. For no particular reason, I break down like when a toddler is tired but they cannot or will not go to sleep. I felt like giving up.  Self-Care Practices of the day:      1. I took deep breaths; 5 of them, while counting to 5 before                 exhaling. That got me to a relaxed state--more like light                   headed but it made the next step easier.      2. I closed my eyes and I repeated to myself (like a mantra): "just do what you can--you are enough" "Fuck the assholes. Fuck the assholes. Fuck the assholes." "I can do what I can and that is enough."       3. I re-read my to-do-list; picked one item to tackle. That was        ...

I got bombarded with more bubbles today!! Sometimes we need extra help to get by, to be functional, or to return to a normal state. Sometimes we need extra help to get through those dark tunnels. But, when we come out on the other end--we come out stronger, wiser, and more loving of ourselves. Also-a lot more forgiving. Self-Care Practices of the Day: Actually attended counseling today. Took my breaks Stretched, practiced those de-stressor yoga moves Started setting boundaries at work I said No. Self-affirmations! I am enough! Listened to music!  I have been seeing my therapist for a year now. I hadn't shown up for about 3 months because of work, or illnesses and anxiety, mostly social anxiety.  I did not want to return to the highly addictive anti-anxiety medications aka "benzos" which I used to love. I had no idea how addicting they were. So I decided to go to counseling.  When I was in rehab, the heroin withdrawals were bad BUT nothing was wo...

Today was tough.  Mentally tough. Emotionally bleh.  I slept very little. At work by 7am and I must have sent about 100 emails by 10 am. I had a training to implement regarding policy to workers.  46 slides, 1 hour and we only got half way done. I felt like a shitty lead but mostly because I didn't plan well, keep track of time and I could not answer 2 questions. I know I am not a shitty lead, I am one of the best but its funny how lack of sleep can make it easier for negative thoughts, negative talk and self doubt creep into my daily routine. I broke a promise made to myself of taking a mental health day when I lack sleep because I tend to get emotional. Anyway, I just thought about all the upcoming changes in my life and how I need to be saving time. When I reached out to a teammate about the unanswered questions, I disclosed to him that I felt like a shitty lead. He laughed and stated that tends to happen--it is normal. I laughed as well and we made some more jokes...

Today was a day of moving. May the fourth be with you. Went to a "Build your own Lego Man" birthday party and then to an after party bounce house. To the park for a play date with my sponsor's grandson-I think it is amazing and challenging to see two 3 year old toddlers socialize ❤️ and then back to their house to continue playing. Needless to say--we didn't eat very healthy (jajaja), basically sugar on top of sugar with some water. This may not seem like a big deal to most people; however I have A LOT of social anxiety. Small gatherings I can do. Big gatherings or gatherings with people I don't really know--I avoid. Being more open about it with my friends and co-workers has actually helped. They understand when I "flake" on an event. But they also really really support and encourage me to attend. With a happy-go-lucky social kid, I don't really have a choice. I DON'T want him to be like me or his father--nervous and anxious around people. ...

First Friday of the month at a local government agency can be challenging. Especially when the team is covering for a co-worker that will be out for the next 3 months due to mental health issues. She did not practice self-care. She normally carries a "specialized" case load that involves women and men currently residing in an alcohol and drug facility with at least one child. For many years she was the only worker who worked with this "specialized caseload". I knew she was struggling. It was common knowledge in the office; however sometimes the social service field can jade and numb many of the workers' ability to acknowledge each others struggles. Perhaps because they are dealing with every one's trauma while dealing with their own secondary trauma if not their own trauma. So instead of healthy self-care techniques; she picked up smoking. Fell behind on cases, paperwork was not tracked correctly and families went without the support they should have receiv...