DNA Vida Libre

I went to the doctor yesterday morning and got blood work done--nothing bad, just routine. But I don't like getting blood drawn; it brings back memories when I feel that familiar sting just like the Nine Inch Nail song Hurt. The phlebotomist took the needle out and wrapped my arm up. I left. Grabbed some coffee; my Friday treat and I headed off to work to kick ass. It was a none stopped day. My only self-care practices implemented was 1. deep breathing in between meetings and 2.  humor amongst my favorite group of coworkers.  3. my manager blew bubbles at me ❤️ I got home last night at 7pm (I left the house this morning at 6:45am). My kiddos strict bedtime routine starts at 730pm to be in bed by 8pm. Challenge night #2: went well. He fought a little but actually went to bed. 1 book was read and when he asked for a repeat I encouraged him to read it to himself. Since he doesn't know how to read yet, we made it a game to make up his own story by looking at the pict...

Self-Care Practices of the Day: Took it easy.  Did not argue or battle with my 3 year old--I chose my battles wisely :) 10 minutes to myself Deep breathing. Soaked my feet in the bathtub,  Shaved my legs and  Washed my hair. Today I had self-doubt and fear creep in. I am afraid that all that is good, all that I have worked for, is too good to be true. What if it gets taken away? What if I fall before I reach the finish line?  WHat if the good life I have disappears? But as I was deep breathing and taking 10 minutes to myself--no talking--just me and my mind. I began to think: the only way my good life would disappear is if I made it disappear. I know that if I relapse, I will have caused my own destruction. All that I have worked for, all that I have gained back will be gone. That is the only thing I have control of. Everything else is not in my hands. I can do the next right thing, but ultimately if things are meant to be, they will be without me h...

I got bombarded with more bubbles today!! Sometimes we need extra help to get by, to be functional, or to return to a normal state. Sometimes we need extra help to get through those dark tunnels. But, when we come out on the other end--we come out stronger, wiser, and more loving of ourselves. Also-a lot more forgiving. Self-Care Practices of the Day: Actually attended counseling today. Took my breaks Stretched, practiced those de-stressor yoga moves Started setting boundaries at work I said No. Self-affirmations! I am enough! Listened to music!  I have been seeing my therapist for a year now. I hadn't shown up for about 3 months because of work, or illnesses and anxiety, mostly social anxiety.  I did not want to return to the highly addictive anti-anxiety medications aka "benzos" which I used to love. I had no idea how addicting they were. So I decided to go to counseling.  When I was in rehab, the heroin withdrawals were bad BUT nothing was wo...

Today was tough.  Mentally tough. Emotionally bleh.  I slept very little. At work by 7am and I must have sent about 100 emails by 10 am. I had a training to implement regarding policy to workers.  46 slides, 1 hour and we only got half way done. I felt like a shitty lead but mostly because I didn't plan well, keep track of time and I could not answer 2 questions. I know I am not a shitty lead, I am one of the best but its funny how lack of sleep can make it easier for negative thoughts, negative talk and self doubt creep into my daily routine. I broke a promise made to myself of taking a mental health day when I lack sleep because I tend to get emotional. Anyway, I just thought about all the upcoming changes in my life and how I need to be saving time. When I reached out to a teammate about the unanswered questions, I disclosed to him that I felt like a shitty lead. He laughed and stated that tends to happen--it is normal. I laughed as well and we made some more jokes...

Well yesterday we went on a quick trip to the river which then turned into a hike to the river. We found an awesome spot where I collected river rocks for the aesthetic eco-friendly look that I am trying to create in my backyard. My ZEN Zone. Who knew picking up rocks would be such a rewarding work out. Which then energized me to wake up at 430am. Stretch. Greet the rising sun with some semi-fancy yoga moves--I practiced my breathing skills BUT who knew breathing could be so hard to control when you are aware of your horrible breathing patterns?? lol. I felt like I couldn't suck more air in through my lungs and into my belly...something was not working right. The important thing is that I tried, I fumbled through my Yoga/stretch routine. Felt good. Which then prepared me for: The first day at work without my partner in crime. I missed her. A lot. But I survived. I kept to myself. Worked through the emotions which cannot be healthy but I did not want to put on a fake smile or...