I lacked sleep today. I should know better.
I went to a highly intense job with little sleep and no partner in crime to use as a soundboard. When this happens--I cry. For no particular reason, I break down like when a toddler is tired but they cannot or will not go to sleep. I felt like giving up.
Self-Care Practices of the day:
1. I took deep breaths; 5 of them, while counting to 5 before exhaling. That got me to a relaxed state--more like light headed but it made the next step easier.
2. I closed my eyes and I repeated to myself (like a mantra):
4. I also focused on the good things even if they were little to help me get through the day.
Why is it bad if I want to take it easy? I should and I will. I will take care of myself first. I will be selfish for me and my well-being.
One of my friends at work experienced something close to a heart attack. I didn't know that women could experience different heart attack symptoms than men. Apparently she had been experiencing heart attack symptoms for a few days but she kept trudging along telling herself she was fine; that it was just stress, work, home, that it was heartburn and simply was putting it off. I have to give her credit however; she is a tough cookie.
In the middle of a work lunch she stood up and blurted out to her team that she was going to pass out. The team members acted quickly; her partner in crime had recognized the heart attack symptoms and suggested an urgent care visit immediately. A friend drove her and stayed with her.
Turns out she had experienced almost all the heart attack symptoms common in women: nausea for a few days, pain in her chest that she thought was heartburn, pain in her jaw, her back, she was pale, clammy and extremely fatigued. From urgent care she was rushed to the hospital. She stayed there overnight in observation. They do not know if it was a heart attack or the beginning of a heart attack (if that's even possible) but today she took the day off and followed up with a Cardiologist--doctor orders--not her choice.
This had me thinking all day about how our jobs are slowly killing us. We went into social services because we wanted to help people but how can we help if we don't help ourselves?
My friend is okay but she could have had a different outcome.
I wondered what I would do in that situation. What will I do when that happens? Those thoughts are not good. I should not be wondering about the what and when. Why am I always preparing for the worst? I should be focusing on what I can change now to avoid that future! Do I need to get out of this field? How am I going to handle going to school; working full time and being the mommy of an awesome 3 year old??
I don't want my job to kill me. I don't want to die at this job. Today my self-care practices were implemented to fight fear and to find some answers. I don't want to be stuck. I don't want to feel stuck. I need to move but where to, what is my next step? Hence the deep breathing, the counting, closing my eyes. The answer will come to me as long as I stay open to it and don't close myself off by being negative or mean to myself.
I know I got this. I know I am a bad ass. Shit--I am in recovery. I have a purpose!
La DNA.
I went to a highly intense job with little sleep and no partner in crime to use as a soundboard. When this happens--I cry. For no particular reason, I break down like when a toddler is tired but they cannot or will not go to sleep. I felt like giving up.
Self-Care Practices of the day:
1. I took deep breaths; 5 of them, while counting to 5 before exhaling. That got me to a relaxed state--more like light headed but it made the next step easier.
2. I closed my eyes and I repeated to myself (like a mantra):
- "just do what you can--you are enough"
- "Fuck the assholes. Fuck the assholes. Fuck the assholes."
- "I can do what I can and that is enough."
4. I also focused on the good things even if they were little to help me get through the day.
- I helped a worker out.
- I fixed a case and was able to make the life of a single mother easier.
Why is it bad if I want to take it easy? I should and I will. I will take care of myself first. I will be selfish for me and my well-being.
One of my friends at work experienced something close to a heart attack. I didn't know that women could experience different heart attack symptoms than men. Apparently she had been experiencing heart attack symptoms for a few days but she kept trudging along telling herself she was fine; that it was just stress, work, home, that it was heartburn and simply was putting it off. I have to give her credit however; she is a tough cookie.
In the middle of a work lunch she stood up and blurted out to her team that she was going to pass out. The team members acted quickly; her partner in crime had recognized the heart attack symptoms and suggested an urgent care visit immediately. A friend drove her and stayed with her.
Turns out she had experienced almost all the heart attack symptoms common in women: nausea for a few days, pain in her chest that she thought was heartburn, pain in her jaw, her back, she was pale, clammy and extremely fatigued. From urgent care she was rushed to the hospital. She stayed there overnight in observation. They do not know if it was a heart attack or the beginning of a heart attack (if that's even possible) but today she took the day off and followed up with a Cardiologist--doctor orders--not her choice.
This had me thinking all day about how our jobs are slowly killing us. We went into social services because we wanted to help people but how can we help if we don't help ourselves?
My friend is okay but she could have had a different outcome.
I wondered what I would do in that situation. What will I do when that happens? Those thoughts are not good. I should not be wondering about the what and when. Why am I always preparing for the worst? I should be focusing on what I can change now to avoid that future! Do I need to get out of this field? How am I going to handle going to school; working full time and being the mommy of an awesome 3 year old??
I don't want my job to kill me. I don't want to die at this job. Today my self-care practices were implemented to fight fear and to find some answers. I don't want to be stuck. I don't want to feel stuck. I need to move but where to, what is my next step? Hence the deep breathing, the counting, closing my eyes. The answer will come to me as long as I stay open to it and don't close myself off by being negative or mean to myself.
I know I got this. I know I am a bad ass. Shit--I am in recovery. I have a purpose!
La DNA.
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