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Create what I want

I went to the doctor yesterday morning and got blood work done--nothing bad, just routine.
But I don't like getting blood drawn; it brings back memories when I feel that familiar sting just like the Nine Inch Nail song Hurt.

The phlebotomist took the needle out and wrapped my arm up. I left.

Grabbed some coffee; my Friday treat and I headed off to work to kick ass. It was a none stopped day. My only self-care practices implemented was 1. deep breathing in between meetings and
2.  humor amongst my favorite group of coworkers. 
3. my manager blew bubbles at me ❤️

sad love you GIF by True and the Rainbow Kingdom

I got home last night at 7pm (I left the house this morning at 6:45am). My kiddos strict bedtime routine starts at 730pm to be in bed by 8pm.

Challenge night #2: went well. He fought a little but actually went to bed. 1 book was read and when he asked for a repeat I encouraged him to read it to himself. Since he doesn't know how to read yet, we made it a game to make up his own story by looking at the pictures--we got some good laughs. A 3 year olds imagination is incredible.

I was so tired, I don't even remember falling asleep but I did.

This morning I woke up and realized I wore the cotton and wrap thing the nurses use all day and all night. I took off my sweater and dude! The nurse scratched my arm with the needle when she removed it! I think I did that to myself once as an active heroin addict, but I don't remember clearly. I honestly think I didn't but there are nights and days that are gone--no memories, no nothing. I am not sure how I was able to pass trial services with the company I work for--their training is intense and I was fucking high. ANyways, back to my scratch--how the hell did that happen? How did I not notice?! It brings up some bad memories and experiences. Mostly bad feelings around how I let myself get hurt, how I hurt myself and the pain I caused. So:

Self-Care Practice of the Day:
I listened to TedTalk videos on badassery, trauma informed care, and pick me up speeches. 

And I realized those bad feelings and memories are just that. Feelings and memories. They are fleeting moments, they will pass. I am not in that dark world anymore. 
I am alive to feel stress, feel overwhelmed, feel happy, feel sad, have goals, have deadlines. I am alive. It does not matter how bad the day was--I don't have a bad life anymore. 
I have me. I have my loved ones-both friends and family. I have strength. I am a superhuman. One in a trillion. I am good. I AM A BADASS. 
I also heard and agreed 100% to believe in creating what I want instead of competing for what I want. This is how my crew of friends at work are; we support each other and offer each other help despite if we are applying for the same role/position; because in the end, we are all BadAss Bitches! 
Believing in the idea that I have to create what I want tied up my believes of encouraging one another to do better into a pretty glittery bow that I can wear on my head. That is what I am doing on this blog and in my studies: Creating what I want. Believing in my struggle, preparing for the day when the right opportunity presents itself so that I will be able to jump into action and kick ass.  

Image result for i am BADASS

La DNA.

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